I was reading The 101 Habits of Highly Successful Novelists by Andrew McAleer the other day and stumbled upon the following blurb. Weeks after having finished the book, this portion has stuck with me the most:
“There is a story about a woman who said that when she was in grammar school, she was always dying to go to middle school. Then, when she was in middle school, she was dying to go to high school, and in high school she was dying to go to college and then dying to have a family and then dying to retire. Then one day she woke up and realized that she was dying. She had wished her life away.”
Perhaps this blurb was so memorable to me because I can sympathize completely. I’ve had a similar experience of constantly looking forward, to the detriment of the present. When I was in elementary school, I couldn’t wait to go to high school. When I was in high school, I couldn’t wait to go to university. And when I was in university, I couldn’t wait to graduate. Even now, with an indefinite period of “resting” time (so-called by others, but more correctly called “writing” time, I believe), I find myself committing the same mistake. Throughout university I couldn’t wait until I graduated so I could travel. While I travelled I was constantly thinking about coming home and writing. Now, while writing, I am worrying about getting a job. It probably doesn’t help that the economy is so bad. The pressure is doubled to join the masses of the recently graduated and unemployed, looking for a job and the security it entails. I tell myself I should enjoy the moment, because my writing suffers as a result, becoming buried under repeated edits of cover letters and resume submissions.
I doubt this is a singular trouble. I’m not alone in such a harried way of life, am I? Is there something about our generation that makes us enjoy the added stress? It seems that we pride ourselves on a refusal to look at life in a cut and dry manner (“There must be more to this life than school and work and retirement!”, we say) and yet we are afraid to make the sacrifices this point of view entails. Is it possible to follow your passion and still have security (without already being a multi-millionaire)?
Perhaps sometimes you just have to jump.