Dear Ms Mia Herrera:
Your application for graduate studies in the Department of English at Queen’s University has been given careful consideration and I regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you admission.
Thank you for the effort you have made in applying to Queen’s University. I trust you will find a graduate program elsewhere which appeals to you.
Yours sincerely,
Monica Corbett
Director, Admissions and Student Services
School of Graduate Studies and Research
———
Checking my e-mail is the first thing I do when I wake up. Literally. Checking my inbox this morning was brutal. I haven’t been out of bed since.
Is it possible that Queens found my blogs, which adamantly stated that going to Grad School was a back up plan for me? For the past few months I’ve been envisioning the moments when I receive word from the school’s I’d applied to, but who would have thought I’d hear back from them so soon? Part of me truly wished that I wouldn’t get in so that it would clear a path for me to do what I really wanted to do. Another part of me truly wished that I would get in because, although I’d probably be faced with the tough decision of having to reject one option over the other, at least it’d be on my own terms and not because I’m just not good enough.
Oddly enough, I was always functioning under the impression that I would be rejected from UofT but accepted into my other two choices. I know that this sounds pretentious and is sorely underestimating the graduate faculty of other universities, but my Registrar had even told me as much. Now that I’ve actually been rejected from Queens, I feel as though it’s a sign that I’m just not going to be accepted everywhere. And this bad news is accompanied by mixed emotions.
First and foremost, no one likes the feel of rejection and I am no exception. Despite the fact that (I suspect) the rejection was first received with relief – as though I can now finally stop tipping on my toes and focus on my writing ithout having to split my mind between getting stellar grades and working on my passion – the rest of the moment was just flooded with… embarrassment.
Seriously, most of me is just embarrassed that I will have to tell people I was rejected. Not only from Queens, but most probably from all the other universities I applied to. I don’t want to go downstairs because I don’t want to face my parents.
…
& now that I’ve written it all out… I suppose a little bit of me actually feels happy for this outcome. For the next two months of school I no longer have to stress about assignments, tests, grades – I just have to worry about getting that fifty and breezing out of here : ) Adios to a lifetime of education! Aloha shady and unknown future!